We Are All "From A Long Line Of Makers"

Back when I started The Craft Sessions, on the “About” page, I wrote something along the lines of “I come from a long line of makers” as part of my introduction. Later in the piece, I suspect I also said it on a few podcasts as well. I've done a lot of thinking between now and then, and so now, I want to apologise for my thoughtlessness.

It is true - I am from a line of women who make - but stating this was also lazy and unthinking of me, given what I believe about making. I was simply trying to write some copy about what made me qualified to start this retreat thing when I didn’t really feel qualified at all. What did I know about running retreats? Well lucky for me, I am surrounded by women who have helped me to grow the retreat into what it is today.

What is not relevant at all to whether the retreat is any good, is that my mother made and her mother made and her mother made. And if I'm totally truthful, I’m not even sure that my great grandmother did make. I could totally just be making that up as I don't know that much about her.

Anyhoo I removed the “I come from a long line of makers” statement from our website a year or two ago, as the more I thought about it, the more I felt uncomfortable with it.

That statement is an incredibly discouraging statement if this isn’t your background, and you are a newbie wanting to get started with making. It creates an “us” – those that come from a long line of makers and therefore are genetically predisposed to be skilled at making..... And an “them” – the rest of you lot, whose mother didn’t make your clothes when you were little, and therefore are less likely to be able to pick up the skills you need to make.

Do I believe this? Absolutely not.

Why was I saying it? Because that is what you say, and at the time I hadn't yet put enough thought into my ideas around making.

Is it true that the my mother made and her mother made? Yes but who cares. It has nothing to do with why I can knit and sew.

Can I make because my mother can? Yes and no.

What my mother gave me was more important that the skill of using a sewing machine. She gave me the belief that I could learn to sew if I practiced. And the belief that the skills I needed to learn in order to make were learnable.

I can’t knit because my mum was a knitter, because she really wasn’t. I don’t remember her knitting at all when I was little, and I kick her arse as a knitter now (sorry mum ;) xx). I really only learnt to knit in 2003, after an aborted attempt at knitting when I was young, getting super bored with the striped garter stitch scarf I was trying to make.*

We are all genetically wired to make. Many of us have simply forgotten that this is part of who we are. 

All of us share a common history as makers – even if your direct ancestor going back three generations didn’t make – go back another generation or two and I guarantee they did. We all had to make to survive. We had to make to clothe ourselves and feed ourselves. We had to mend and bake and stitch and chop wood. We didn’t have a choice.

Tens of thousands of years of us being makers does not disappear because of 150 years of industrialization. We are still wired such that if we practice a skill then we can learn it well, or at least get to a level that we are competent at it. There are very few of us that can’t drive a car – yes some can do it better than others, but we can all do it. All of us learned to walk, eat, wash dishes, write our names, sing, speak - through practice. There is absolutely no difference between those skills and the skills we need to sew and knit.

Do we all come from a long line of makers? Yes! We simply may have a little break in the chain of our making ancestory that has lead us to conclude that we are somehow a special brand of non-making-human. It just isn’t true.

We are all makers.

Do you think about this? Has this perception of makers/non-makers affected you?

Felicia x

* I also abandoned it as I was a little horrified with the back of said scarf because of how the yarn colour change looked. Pernickety but true. My ten year old self did. not. like. it.

Stash Less – SQ = Sweater Quantity = 5

Stash Less is a series where we talk about having a thoughtful stash. You can find past posts in this series by clicking here.

On social media a few days ago the lovely Rachel of @droverandclasser posted a picture of her brand spanking new sweater. In said post she referenced an early Stash Less post that talked about one of my discoveries. The discovery was simply that in order to fool myself that my purchasing behaviour was not so “bad” then I would only buy a little of something at any one time - 3 balls to be precise (roughly 1 skein). This lead to a cupboard full of yarn that was not useable.

The result is that I am still living the hangover of this behaviour a few years on. I’m working on it by making many a scrap, or single skein sweaters for the kids. This is fun and taxing and exhausting and challenging and annoying in equal measure. Sometimes I wish that I could just make something that was a little simpler than a scrap sweater, to avoid the brain strain it takes to combine multiple stray yarns into something cohesive. Sometimes I think it is an interesting and fun challenge.

Anyhoo, on Instagram the other day Rachael mentioned that the sweater she was wearing was a direct result of the Stash Less SQ rule. I didn’t know there was a rule named the Stash Less SQ rule and so I asked her what it meant.

Of course SQ = sweater quantity which in this case = 5.

I'd written many times that this was one of the outcomes of Stash Less, that now when I purchase I buy only things I adore after careful consideration, and that I buy a whole sweater quantity of it. Rachael gave this behaviour a name which has made my heart sing for days.

The SQ rule - as it is now known - is so simple but so life changing. It has definitely changed my making behaviour. By making considered purchases of yarns I love in sweater sized quantities I now have a small stash that is filled with possibility rather than problems.

A Case study of my recent purchases.

Since I’ve been away I’ve purchased three sweater quantities of wool. A lot for me these days but all three were planned.

Nunnaba yarn in Nougat.

Swatching the Linen Quill.

1.     The Nunnaba White Gum Wool
This sweater quantity has been interesting in that I’ve broken the SQ up (in this case SQ =4) and am making two girl sized sweaters. This was not my intention as I was going to steal it for myself however there was begging. A lot of begging as this yarn is pretty. That said, this is one of the benefits of a SQ-sized batch. It can be broken into two for kids. However as they get older this is changing a little. Sometimes I’m needing to use some of my scrap skeins as additions on the second kid sweater. This works a treat as the body of the sweater is normally covered by the purchase with just the collar, cuffs etc being filled in with scraps. I adore this look.

2.     Some stunning AVFKW Entwined yarn
I have lusted after Verb yarn for years in the stunning Mesa colourwary. This yarn is my favourite weight (5ply-ish) and in this case a SQ = 3. I want to sit on this one for a while as I'm not yet sure what it will be. This is good stash, rather than not-so-good stash, in that it is a yarn I adore, which is my favourite weight, in a colour I love, that I have wanted to purchase for years. A considered purchase and an exciting one. Who said that planning was boring.

So very excited about this. *

3.     Linen Quill from Purl Soho
I have been looking at this yarn in this colourway online since they launched it. In this case a SQ = 3. I don’t do much online purchasing these days, unless I have seen the yarn in real life, due to many a purchasing disaster back in ye-olden-days before Stash Less. The disaster was mainly due to the difference between what one sees on a screen and the actual colour of the yarn. I learnt this lesson the very hard way by doing it over and over again. When I knew I was coming to NY I agreed with myself that this would be my Purl Soho purchase if I loved the colour. I realise that it is fairly bloody privlidged to be able to see it in person so what I do when I won't get to go to the store in person is ask someone to send me a tiny sample by mail. Most shops are happy to do this. I can’t wait to see this knit up as a sweater – possibly another James as I am a creature of habit or a Gable as I love that shape. Again this was super planned and very exciting.

I love hearing your stories about how Stash Less (alternatively known as my trip through my chaos) has changed how you see your purchasing and your making. I’d love to hear if more of you now do this? Buy SQ worth? Or have you made up other rules that help you?

Felicia x

* I not-so-good purchasing I mentioned in the last Stash Less Post has already been knit up....

Giving Yourself The Freedom To Suck

So I've just been at the wonderful Squam - and what a joy it was. But that isn't what I wanted to talk to you about today. I'll show you a couple of photos about the joy another day.

What I wanted to talk to you about, was one of my classes and a short conversation I had that reminded me, to remind you, to allow yourself the time and freedom within your making to totally suck....

So I did two classes at Squam. I did a colourwork class with the incredible Mary Jane Mucklestone and then I did a brioche class with the incredible Andrea Mowry of Drea Renee Knits. Both were wonderful teachers. Encouraging, generous, interested, and boundary-pushing. Just what you hope for in a teacher. I learnt a lot in both.

But colourwork was really the class where I banged up against my stuff. I wanted to push myself. I've talked about the story I have running around in my head that "I'm not very good at colour". That I don't understand it and that I can't do it very well. I know that it is just that - a story - but I still crash up against the story time and time again.

That said, over many years of putting myself in the middle of situations like this class, I have shifted the story a little. These days the story is something like "I'm don't find colour easy, but I sometimes make things I like". Which is better, but still has quite a lot of expectation and pressure in it.

I want to shift the story. I know that the process of making is a place where I can do that so I try to push myself. I intentionally jump out of my colour comfort zone in order to see if I can see it from a different perspective.

In this case I arrived from the land of Oz with no yarn for my class. I'd forgotten I had to bring it. And so I had to shop (more on that another day too :)). I went to the wonderful Gather Here in Boston on my way up to Squam, and purchased colours for the colourwork class. I intentionally purchased colours that were not just silver, blue and charcoal. I purchased pink and orange and brown and well yes...the odd bit of blue. It was hard and I was still a little jetlagged, and so I stared at the wool for about 2 hours. Pulling balls in and out of the combination to see if I could get something that worked. Confusing and hard.

Some of Mary Jane's gorgeous work!

But I did it and I went to class. And I found it really confronting.

Mary Jane has a rule that you aren't allowed to rip it out - a wonderful rule really as I would have ripped in anger and never learnt the lessons I needed to learn about colour. And this post would not exist.

Her point was that you sometimes don't know what it looks like till you add the following bit of colour, or the piece is done, and so you have to make a swatch to really understand the relationships between different colours. How they make one another sing, look like mud, disappear or suck.

Not being able to rip mine out was painful. I had to sit with things that I didn't like, and things that I didn't think worked. I was trying to step out of my comfort zone and use colours I wouldn't normally. I was trying to be brave and it was hard.

So what is the pain about? Why would it matter? Who cares if it's ugly? Who cares if it doesn't work?

It turns out I do. It turns out that part of the story I have made up about my making, is that I will like what I make, or keep trying until I do. I want to be proud of my work. And having to sit there with work that I didn't like made me really uncomfortable.

Again why? Why am I making it mean something? Why can't I allow myself the time and freedom to suck at it.

Obviously I theoretically believe that mistakes are how we learn and that we are all practicing in the gap, and yet when forced to live with my mistakes rather than being able to fix them I didn't like it at all.

Is it simply my ego? Have I mentally attached the work I am making to some meaning about me? I'm smiling as I'm writing this because it really is a good lesson for me. A lesson that, in spite of all I've written about, and in spite of all I know, my tiny brain still struggles with this the idea that I suck at something.

But we all know that sucking is often a big part of the learning process. We suck at piano, and skiing and spelling while we are learning. Why not craft.

I was speaking to a lovely woman at dinner one night and she was struggling with the same thing in a different class. She was an accomplished crafter and it struck me that maybe she was struggling with sucking because she was used to being accomplished? And that maybe that was what was happening for me....

Allowing ourselves the time and freedom to suck, without allowing it to mean anything, is the only way forward. I know it, I forget it and then I get a kick in the pants that reminds me that this is truth.

So tigers - can you guess which one is mine, remembering that I'm outside my normal colour palette?

Felicia x

The Ongoing-ness Of Stash Less

Stash Less is a series where we talk about having a thoughtful stash. You can find all the past posts in this series here. Enjoy!

It’s the third birthday of Stash Less – not the official date of the first post, as that was sometime in October when I returned from our first big overseas adventure as a family - but the date from when I really started thinking about my purchasing, stashing, and hoarding habit. That first post came about six months after I started thinking about what I needed and what I had.

See on that trip we travelled super light – we had a 4wd Toyota Prado which was a big car but not huge, and we had three kids who we wanted to split up in terms of their seating, so one was in the back. This meant that our boot space was only a half the width of the car. I’m hoping this makes sense. We also had two top boxes on the roof but that car with a small boot and two top boxes was the sum total for five of us for five months.

Our worldly goods for 5 months consisted of....

·      5 x small bags of clothes

·      5 x sleeping bags

·      5 x sleeping mats

·      1 x tent

·      5 x camp stools

·      1 x camp table

·      1 x camp stove

·      1 x box of kitchen utensils

·      1 x box of food

·      1 x box of books/pencils for the kids

·      1 x box of wool

That was all we could fit in the car, and all we had. Not much and nothing fancy but enough.

That said the box of wool was important. It was small (the fella would say it was ridiculously large compared to what else we had with us but he is a fool, bless him) but it was enough. It contained within it both possibility, and restriction – the ingredients for creativity without brain freeze.

But the important thing was what it taught me – and that was, that I had enough. I was creatively satisfied and whole. I didn’t feel deprived and I didn’t feel loss. You see the thing about being away for six months with no space is that you cannot shop.

The story of what happened when I got home is here – in the original Stash Less post because it really did change me.

Over the next two years I went through a process of understanding myself and my behaviour around craft, materials, desire, and creative thrill. You can find that journey by clicking on the Stash Less tag and following it back through the wormhole.

Playing around with ideas for my Piece of Silver KAL from Laine Magazine.

Where I'm at with Stash Less?

I haven’t written about Stash Less in a while, not because I don’t have more to say. I do. But because I wanted to see what it was like to live with it over time. What has changed in my behaviour? What has stayed the same? What are my triggers like these days? How do I buy, why do I buy and how does it make me feel? What does my stash look like? And how does it feel to live in a new way.

1. I can tell you the following – I am changed and I believe that that change is permanent.

My relationship to materials is different as is my shopping habits. That said, many of my triggers remain the same, but their pull has been muffled by awareness, intention and practice of a new way of shopping.

2. I can also tell you that doing this in the long term is HARD.

Not hard in a physical sense but hard in an ongoing-vigilance type way. I have to watch myself and make sure I'm on the straight and narrow. My head is very tricksy, and very capable of lying to me in order to make the shiny thing I'm about to purchase look oh-so-very ethical.

I'm OK with the hard though. I expected it. The same brain shenanigans happen whenever my higher-self tries to assert it's authority, and ethics, over my lizard brain, who is a big fan of having everything it wants in the here and now.

So I thought I would share a bit more about what changes I have seen and maintained.

My stash has shrunk.

It is about 1/3 of the size it was all those years ago.

Before I left home in April, I took a few photos of my stash so you could see what it looks like these days but I can't find the photo tonight. Onwards and upwards.

What I have:
There is still plenty of material to make girls frocks and shorts and shirts. I still have enough to make tops and frocks for me (often but not always).

What I don't have:
I no longer have materials for making bigger things like the Sydney coat I made for The Craft Sessions workshop prep I did this year. I also don’t have fabric for things like boys’ shorts or a Genoa Tote.

The fundamental difference is that when I want to make a something bigger I do need to purchase materials. This is wonderful. This is the outcome I was looking for out of Stash Less, because it gives me that ability to choose exactly what I want to make something with rather than rummaging around in my stash to find something that is about 85% right.

I am truly thrilled about the level the stash is at.

Sometimes I have to purchase for a new big project.

Sometimes my line gets a little blurry due to what I do - ie. run retreats. Sometimes what I need for the retreat - like a sample of the Sydney Jacket also means a wardrobe addition for me.... A wobbly line at best.

I have to improvise

I often no longer have what I need but if I can find a way to make do then I make do.

For the Genoa Tote I improvised and used a stretchy jacket fabric for mine - so still thick but with stretch - which is fine in theory but a little crappy in use as it hasn't got shape like many other's I've seen. That said it is a functional bag so it's all good.

I’ve also had an idea for how I could make thicker fabric for a Genoa Tote that was more functional by using wadding scraps to make a quilted fabric that I use instead of the canvas type fabric it calls for. I will give this a go when I get time later this year.

I still buy special but I also use special.

This has been a massive change since I began the project. You can see the breakthrough moment in this post but since then I have got better and better at it. The nature of my relationship with my materials has altered. I am not holding on to the precious. Instead I am using it to make way for the new.

I still allow myself to purchase the odd piece of Nani Iro or Liberty or special Handyed yarn about once or twice a year. As I mentioned earlier I now purchase these in quantities that are useful for a big project, but I also make a real effort to use them rather than hoard them.

So I'm using them regularly and I'm using them for projects that I would have once got a little jumpy about - impractical projects like this dress I made for the middle kid's birthday. She really wanted floor length and she really wanted Liberty. This has already been torn a couple of times but she adores it.

Beautiful Nani Iro Linen.

I'm using scraps aplenty.

There is plenty of scraps in my stash these days - which I have been actively trying to use through creatively coming up with ideas to use them in a meaningful way. I'm still making many a stash cardy for the girls, and have been trying to make a Piece of Silver from Laine Magazine with my scraps.

I've also been a bit freer with my good scraps, allowing my girl babies to make random patchwork things that will probably never be finished. Once upon a time I would have been saving these for something special. Crazy but true.

When I purchase, I purchase with intent (mostly).

I still don't shop - as in I don't shop as a pasttime. I don't windowshop and I don't wander.

Except that I have some rules around being away from home. Occasionally when I'm on holiday pop in to see something I don't get to see when I'm home - like I recently did with Skein Sisters in Sydney - but I actively try to go with a purpose.

In the case of my recent trip to Skein Sisters I knew that they would probably have things I hadn't seen before and so I decided if I found something I really loved then I was allowed to purchase. I decided this a day before I went and I had such fun with the purchase. I am strict though. I couldn't buy to fill the "wanting all the pretty" or to fulfill the human desire for the new and shiny. But I could purchase if I found something I loved. Which I did. I purchased four skeins of the Nunnabar handdyed White Gum Wool in 8ply in the Nougat colourway and it is truly divine. FOUR!! because of the Stash Less outcome that I now purchase in quantities big enough to be truly useful rather than my old behaviour of just buying a little so as to make the purchasing more palatable to me in the face of a bulging stash. This is very exciting to me.

My other purchase since leaving Melbourne was in Cooma - I purchased two skeins of beautiful handspun at a local cooperative. This however wasn't premeditated and probably fell into the not-good-decision-making category as it was purchased for the "wanting all the pretty" reason rather than it being something I will use easily and with intent. Ba Bawm. Lizard brain was the winner on this occasioin.

I purchase things on a project specific basis.

Much of my purchasing these days is for things that are project specific. I purchase with intent, when I need them, and I use them quickly. I don't purchase and put in the cupboard. I leave the materials out until I can get to them or I just start. They don't head into stash.

Examples of this would include a sweaters worth of yarn for my SILs Shore cardy (which is now complete a mere few months after I received it), plus another sweaters worth of silver yarn that has since gone to a friend, and also the fabric I purchased - the absolutely stunning watercolour linen bundle from Purl Soho - for my middle kid's quilt.

Her quilt is an interesting one, that I will talk about in another pos,t but suffice to say it is something that I could have easily made out of scraps. However I decided that, for this special project, I was going to stick with her vision of it and purchase. I am so glad I did. It is looking spectacular. I can't wait to show you.

I'm using my Making List

I'm still using a making list - mine is an ongoing list that I update regularly. This helps to keep me on the straight and narrow as it helps me to see with real clarity that I have all that I need for what I want/need to make.

"I have all that I need" has been a point of discussion over caravan dinners in the last few weeks as we have been chatting to the kids about gratitude. For me, my making list helps me to sit in a place of gratitude, as it shows me that even if I am compromising here and there with materials that aren't quite right for the project I have in mind, I really have all that I need.

Unintentional Super Side Effects

Another outcome from Stash Less is that I don't shop - as a pastime - for clothes either anymore. As in, I don't sashay into my favourite stores to see if they might have something I might like, when I'm feeling a little bored or flat. I go when, and if, I need to buy something. This has been a massive game changer for me. I did what I suggested in the Stop Shopping post and have disengaged from mailing lists for nearly every brand, shop and designer, which means I don't have temptation rolling into my inbox of a morning. I still manage to keep up with what is happening through instagram and a few beloved blogs but I am incredibly pleased with this outcome.
 

How is your #stash_less going. I know many of you have joined in to some degree and have set your own personal challenges. I'd love to hear how you got on, and whether any of your changes are permanent, even if they are just mental.

Felicia x

Experimentation and the Fringe and Friends 2016 KAL

So I finished my sweater* as you can see by exhibit A above. And I really like it. It isn't exactly what I was aiming for but I like the fit, the shape and the idea behind it. And it feels particularly satisfying to finish something that technically was a little bit tricky and creatively a little bit odd. Because that is where the joy of an experimental project lies.

I originally came up with the idea for this sweater as part of the Fringe And Friends 2016 KAL which starts in September (I think). Karen was doing her magic and trying to encourage one and all, to step out of their comfort zone and try improvising a top-down sweater. Which is a super way to start your improv journey.

For me though, as I've made many a basic improv sweater over the years, I decided to join in spirit of what Karen was suggesting, by trying something challenging. So I upped the ante and decided to try an experimental sweater that couldn't be mapped out as simply as a standard top-down sweater.

So your normal improv process is pretty simple and goes something like this….

1. knit a swatch

2. record your gauge

3. know your desired measurements

4. multiply your measurements by your gauge and start knitting.

Yay.

That wasn’t going to work for this sweater. I wanted to make a sweater with lots of negative ease (meaning it looked stretched) across the shoulders. The rest of the sweater would have positive ease (meaning the fabric would sit flat but loose).

Originally the aim was to create a sweater with a kind of funnel-ish boat neck that sat wide on the shoulders. The shoulder shaping was designed to be stretched when worn to show off the shaping itself. As you can see by the photo at the top of the post, this lead to quite a weird non-standard sweater shape when finished, and I knew that the standard calculations I normally use wouldn't really work.

The weird shaping meant that there was no way of simply multiplying measurements. And I was a bit in the dark as to what combination of rib and stocking stitch I would use - as I hadn't decided on where each part should start and stop. I also wanted to add in a few short rows to raise the back of the neck a little but not too much.

Pretty much the only way I was going to find out if my idea worked was to knit the thing.

In other words I had no clear idea of what I wanted. It was more of a vibe than an idea. Freestyle knitting at it's best.

I started it on time and then hooned through a few iterations of the shaping and the shoulders. I ripped for joy, and started again quite a few times. And then I got a bit demoralised, put it down for a month or two and ignored it while grinding my teeth a little.

I picked it up post-wedding (hence the pretty nails) and then tried again. This time I got a little further. I knitted the body (which I liked) and came up with a way to resolve the shoulders under the arms with a panel of rib. How much rib did I need though? And should I make the yoke depth smaller than normal to increase the stretch around the shoulders? I did some more ripping after a particularly tight armhole and then I got a bit demoralised, put it down for a month or two and ignored it while grinding my teeth a little.

And then I brought it on this holiday.

This week I finally got to it after doing all the procrasti-knitting I could find and pushed through the uncertainty.

And after a few simple days of knitting I got it done!!

Which reminded me of an important life lesson.

When I think experimental sweater I think "gee that seems like fun". Experimentation will be all about the freedom and the joy. Because experimentation can be seen as play, right?  Which it is in many ways.

What I’d forgotten, is to experiment means sitting in uncertainty because the nature of experimentation is uncertain. Experimentation – especially when you are going after a specific result – is rarely without its painful parts. It's impossible to do without the possibility of failure, otherwise you wouldn't be experimenting, you would be following a plan you know works.

Uncertainty is fear and we are evolutionarily** programmed to avoid fear.

I love experimentation – the fun bit – but seem to conveniently overlook the fear part until I’m in it, and about to throw the whole thing in the bin during my various points of uncertainty. I avoid my uncertainty rather than just accepting that I am always going to hit it when I’m experimenting. Forgetting this lesson over and over again is a little dumb, but seems to be one that as a classic eternal optomist I am fated to re-learn over and over again. I continue to get frustrated with myself for my ongoing avoidance of experimental projects that I'm really excited about, but find it hard to stick with. Maybe this whole cycle is simply my process for this type of project. :)

Elizabeth Gilbert states in Big Magic that acknowledging the fear and becoming friends with it, but never letting it drive the car or even be in the front seat, is the way to make peace with this part of the creative process. And I believe her to be right in my experience!

And the resulting sweater?

In spite of my doubts, that I had until I tried it on at the very end, I'm really very very happy with it. I can point out all the things I would change if I was to go back. But for the moment I'm going to wear it and see how I like it.

I’ll grab a few photos of it on a body as soon as I manage to find a caravan park with light in the bathroom. What's that I hear you say? You could just ask a member of your family to take a few photos for you, couldn't you? Ahhhh, my sweet innocent blog readers, that has really never ever worked out in practice in my home, hence the proliferation of one-arm selfies in my instagram feed.

Who takes your photos? I genuinely want to know. Do you use a timer, a kid, a partner, a tripod?? How do you lot do it??

Felicia x

*I've not blocked it yet but hopefully in the next day or so!

**I don't think this is a real word but it's the best I could think of late last night. :)