Inspired or discouraged?

So we have talked about it in passing, over numerous posts, in the last year or two. About the ability for the things we see on the internet, instagram and pinterest to be encouraging and inspiring versus sometimes being deflating and discouraging. And I guess I just wanted to ask directly for your experiences and how this affects your making. Do you get affected by it, or does what you see just inspire you to try new things? Does it affect what you then post pictures of? 

I created the retreat (and this space) to start to chat about people's fears and head stuff (including my own!) around craft. To that end I really want this space to be encouraging rather than discouraging. I started I Made This as part of that process and often talk about my many mistakes on the path to learning my craft. I'm truly hopeful that I have hit the mark, making you feel more capable and able to try and tackle things that you think are a bit above your current skill set. Or even just to feel you can make something you think is beautiful with the skills that you already have.

But maybe I haven't…?

One area I do struggle with this, is instagram. As hard as I try to post my everyday making, it is still the pretty 40sq cm of the making I end up posting, rather than the rest of the super messy sewing room. I think I end up using instagram more as a place for the pretty I can see, in the midst of the chaos. Like an online visual inspiration diary to look back on when I'm feeling overwhelmed by the constant mess.* I think I use it now as a way to feel like I have achieved something (other than tidying up tiny bits of paper and toy animals) in my day. As in "look I made a sock!". I'm not just a washer of dishes. I am a sock maker…..hmmm. 

The only tidy 40sq cm in my sewing room this morning. It made me happy in an isn't-it-ironic kinda way because the photo looked so calm. And in that tiny 40cm and that tiny moment there was a bit of calm. 

Love to hear your thoughts on this one. What do you see or read that encourages you and inspires you? What deflates you? Does your making change based on what you see?

Felicia x

*Why are small humans so messy!

PS. I mentioned on Friday that I was going to post a knitting tip post today, but it hasn't happened - apologies! While I was searching for a good youtube link to link to, I couldn't find what I was looking for. So I did an impromptu video tonight (when I should have been making dinner for the kids - jaffles anyone?) to go with the post but have now got a little stuck trying to upload it to my new youtube account. So it will have to wait until Friday - apologies.

Around the Traps -#4 the really good stuff!

So a few random things I am loving over the last few weeks. Really loving!

A Course
The first is that I have seen that Christine's online Pitch Perfect course is running through Squam for a second time. I paid to do this course last year as I was planning to approach some magazines about some of the things we talk about on this here blog (I haven't got around to it yet but maybe someday!) And even though I am yet to write a single pitch, I got so much out of it! It definitely isn't a writing course - it is a pitching course - that is made very clear from the outset.  And while I agree that we weren't learning how to write, I do think the course made me a much more thoughtful writer. The aim of the course is to teach you how to write the perfect query letter to get your writing published. But for me though, the biggest thing I took away from the course was a new way of thinking; about planning your article (or in my case blog post), about the article's structure and about the audience you are writing for. This course material was one of those things that once learned, can never be unlearned. I really loved it. If you do any kind of writing then this is worth a look. 

Some Collections
Two new collections that have been released in the last few weeks that I totally love are;

1. Anthology II from the lovely Carrie (who I have featured on the blog before because I love her!). This collection is pretty perfect. She is a bit of a genius for all the reasons I mentioned in my post about her. 
2. Quince&Co have just released a collection called Home that I am just a little obsessed with. I adore this and this and this. All of them have joined my queue. But sadly not a single one of them is on #mymakinglist2015. Yet.

Pattern is Theolie and the yarn is Juno Alice Sock.

A Knitalong
The lovely Kylie (who until recently worked at the lovely Sunspun) has started a summer knitalong to use up those special single skeins of yarn that are sitting there waiting for the perfect project. I've cast on a shawl using yarn I've been saving for who-knows-how-long for who-knows-what (I could also add a who-knows-why to this). There is a rav group  and a hashtag #summerofthesingleskein. Many of you probably have something lying around just begging to be used?? 

A List
Finally I came across this wonderful fantabulous list posted by While She Naps entitled the 20 podcasts to listen to while you're crafting. I love finding new podcasts; always good to mix it up and find something fresh. I have only just started to go through the list but I am totally loving Alec. Abby mentions This American Life in passing (it's not on the list), and while I don't want to tell you what to do, I need to say that even if you don't listen to it very often (or ever!) you must check out this week's. The episode is called Batman and it will change your perception about the world forever! I made the fella listen to it because it was just that good and he came up to me going "ohmygodfeliciahowamazing". "I know mate, I know!" He is British - so this is big big praise. 

Enjoy lovely people. I'll see you Monday with some knitting tips.

Felicia x

I Made This - Martine Lynch

I Made This is a weekly blog series that features makers from around the world and aims to talk about the things we are proud of; of the objects we make that have meaning to us and the journey we take to make them.

I ended last year with an I Made This from my good friend Jenn, and I am going to start the year with another good friend of mine Martine. And there is a reason why I want to share their stories. Both of them are newbie crafters and have only been making for the last two years. Which is part of why I find them so inspiring. Neither of them has years of crafty experience under their belts and so they totally have the newfound joy of making for themselves. They are finding their feet, sorting through their stuff and finding their confidence. It is a total privilege to watch. They show that you can be at the start of your crafty life AND make amazingly beautiful stuff that makes your heart sing.  

Martine on the road trip from Melbourne to Darwin - 6am in Kings Canyon. 

It turns out that my first knitted sweater, coincidentally my first knitted garment for my boy, feels amazingly special. He is SO chuffed, and I'm chuffed for him, and for me.

Knitting it was a twelve month marathon in the making. Casting on occurred while on a beach holiday last year, and I happened to bind off and sew in the ends sitting at the same table, twelve months later. It's kind of ridiculous but the learning has been incredible. 

Before I talk more about the sweater I want to give a little backdrop to my story, and let you into my thinking. I started knitting two short years ago with the loving encouragement of our dear friend Felicia. For a good ten months I sat in awe of her ability to make such beautiful things. It is only through her "of course you can do it" motto, that pushed me from knitting kilometers of garter stitch into knitting garments that I like, and that my children would wear. I now have made several cardigans for my two girls, starting off with easier capped sleeves, progressing to full sleeves and then to lace. Totally fun when you have a 'master' at your finger tips and a small community of makers in your mix.  Learning craft together, and benefiting from this new found love, as our hands make. For the first time in years, I have felt dizzy excitement over something that I created. Sounds kinda sad? It's not. I have a lot to be grateful for in my world, but this feeling is different. Even though so far the final products are worn by others, everything about the making is for me, Martine. It's not about the role of mother, social worker, or wife. Just, ME! 

Back to the sweater. This project is different to the cardigans for a few reasons. The knitting was kick-started on a Thelma and Louise style car trip from Melbourne to Darwin, where I got to be me for the first time since having kids, and then came with me on our family holiday in Darwin. Not long after that trip, my trusted master went on a lengthy family sojourn for six months and I had to work the tricky bits out alone. I had to sit with how I process things and work out ways of breaking through my expectations, my fear of making mistakes, my frustration in still being a learner, procrastination...ugh. 

So, here's what happened. I got stuck when I had to start the shoulders. What the hell was I supposed to do with those floppy ends? How was I to sew them down to create create arm holes and an envelope neck? The designer assumed I knew. My first strategy was to put the project down and distract myself with making two cardigans. My poor boy, he was so understanding, he knew I was stuck. I then got sick of not knowing and googled everything I could, read what felt like hundreds of blog posts etc. Then I had that light bulb moment, when I realised that I had to let go of the fear, and actually just give it go. So - lesson 1- often it doesn't make sense until you are doing it. Big. Then I read the pattern again and she did tell me how to do it.  I just wasn't ready to trust that I could do it. Very big moment.

From here I was OK. I just worked through each challenge. I did the first armhole three times. I did the whole arm twice because I somehow lost a ball of yarn and had to rethink colours. I redid the short rows on the second sleeve.

Then one final stumble - I started beating myself up over the time. "By the time I finish it will be summer" and the realisation that I have worked through so much and "it might not even fit him by winter". The filthy mood this created slowed the jumper down again. l processed these thoughts quietly and then woke up one morning early in December and decided I would finish it regardless  - "if it doesn't fit, I'm pulling it". BANG. Liberating - lesson 2 - I know how to do it now so why not. Feelings of exhilaration came once I got over this hurdle, because it meant completion.  

Who would have thought that in making stuff you get to know yourself better?

The good news is it does fit, and even has some room for growth. His comment was "mum, I really love it! I can't believe how nice it is."

The chosen pattern, is 'Softly (you)' by Solenn Couix-Loarer, the yarn is Rowan Felted Tweed DK in Clay for the main body and Seafarer for the stripes and sleeves.

Craft as a manifestation of love and loss.

Setting the scene: I wanted to write the post as I feel that this must be a somewhat common experience for us as makers, and wanted to share mine; the experience of crafting through grief. I've thought about whether I should post this for some time, and want to start by saying that I am in a good place with it - I wouldn't be posting about it if I wasn't. x

---

How to begin. I guess this story begins when we lost our third baby during the pregnancy. Until that day I had never experienced the heart crunching weight of grief. 

I remember the day we found out that there was something really wrong with her. I couldn't speak, I couldn't think. I went to a cafe I knew a little and sat there, silent tears flowing for many hours. I guess I was looking for solitude, but didn't want to feel alone. I don't think I really looked up. I don't remember looking up anyway. Some wonderful woman who worked there didn't ask me a thing. She brought me coffee, water and later some lunch. I have no idea who she is but I'm incredibly grateful to her for her care that day. I was fully focused on trying to remember how to breathe. 

That day passed as did a few more. We did all the medical things we needed to do and I went to see a counsellor. I told her that I had already brought the yarn for her blanket. That I had made my first two the same baby blanket and I had already started hers. The fact the yarn was sitting there really bugged me. It annoyed me, made me really angry. The counsellor kindly suggested that maybe that was something to explore…. She suggested that as part of the process, I could finish knitting it. I could use it as time to actually feel all the things I needed to feel but didn't want to sit with. Wise woman that she is, she persisted when I told her it was a stupid idea. 

I came to it slowly. Over the next few months I picked it up now and then. I picked it up when it annoyed me, or when I felt sad. Sometimes I knitted only a few stitches before tossing it aside. Other times I could really sit with it. Stitch after stitch, yarn running between my fingers, making something for her. The her I wouldn't get to meet. 

I'm not sure how far I got - it was 5ply and I wasn't speed knitting - but one day I pulled it out. I don't really even remember doing it. I remember not wanting it on the needles anymore. I balled it up and again the wool sat there for a bit. Now it was in a box. With my hospital tag and her scan. I saw it when I opened my wool cupboard door but I didn't touch it for a while. Till one day I picked it up again. I decided I couldn't make her a blanket she wasn't going to use, like my other kids, because she wasn't like my other kids. I wasn't going to get to meet her. But I did want to make her something. Something special. So I started to knit her a cardigan. Somehow it felt more manageable. I started again but somehow, at some point, I couldn't keep knitting. I put her half finished cardy and all the balls of unused wool in her box and that felt enough. Eventually I moved the box out of the wool cupboard, and there it stays. There is something about the half finishedness of it that fits.  

---

The following year someone I loved, lost someone they loved, suddenly and unexpectedly. A shocking death that left behind a family and two very small kids. At the funeral I was six months pregnant with our smallest kid and I could not stop my tears. I remember feeling embarrassed because I didn't know them that well, but my tears were for my friend and those small people and in retrospect, they were for the baby I lost. Again I couldn't speak.

I remember driving home from the funeral feeling an overwhelming urge to do something for my friend, but I knew I'd lost my voice. I remember changing direction and stopping off at the wool shop. As I'm writing this it almost feels trite. How could wool be helpful? But it was all I could think to do. I could make her something.  

I chose some buttery alpaca that I knew she would love and would suit her olivey skin. She had beautiful skin. She often wore scarves and loved yellow. And I knitted. I was often in tears as I knitted but that was a good thing. It was a form of meditation on her loss and the love I had for her. And my loss. I felt like I couldn't help her at the time. I was too caught up in my own grief that all I could do was cry. But I could knit. It gave me a place and a space to put all I was feeling into something useful. Stitch by stitch. The feeling of the yarn in my fingers was comforting. 

I sent it to her a few weeks later and I really hope she understood what it meant. 

She died a few years later after a short illness. Part of how she prepared herself, in the months leading up to her death, was to sort out her possessions. She left me all her craft; tatting, fabric, scissors, thread. All sorts of things. They came to me in a box with a label on the top; my name in her beautiful handwriting. I love that she did this, that she chose me. Now, included in many things I make, is some little thing that came from her. Lace on a birthday dress, buttons on a cardy. 
 

For me, making became part of the process of loss. The object created holding my memories, my intention and love. The rhythm of the process providing space to acknowledge my grief, and a place to sit with it.

I'm sure many of you have used craft in similar ways. 

Felicia x

My Making List 2015

I saw a little piece in a magazine called New Philospher the other day called "The freedom of limited choice". The jist of the article was that there can be freedom in having restricted options. The example they give is of a vegan in a supermarket. 

“These light eaters aren’t unwittingly led down the wrong aisle towards mayonnaise and salad dressing because they’ve established personal limitations that protect their health and wellbeing. No longer slaves to their whims or under the spell of clever packaging they stride through supermarkets with an air of confidence that few of us enjoy. ”

— New Philosopher - The End of Growth.

Makes sense, and is an useful idea….but then they got the really helpful stuff. That we have a preference for immediate rewards. 

“Oxford economics historian Avner Offer believes that we’re hopelessly myopic. When left to our own devices we’ll choose what’s nice for us today over what’s best for us tomorrow.””

— New Philosopher - The End of Growth

At this time, when many of us are thinking about our intentions for the year, I found this a really useful reminder. I often make based on a whim. Something I see, something I pick up, a pattern that has been released. And this often means that I don't get to make the things that I really want to create. Like the quilt for our bed - that has been sitting untouched since before Xmas. Instead I do what comes easy. What is accessible. The reminder contained in this article, that we often aren't playing the long game, or keeping our eyes on the prize, was very timely. 

The 15yo inside me wants to shout something like “oooohhhhh - too many ruuuulzzz!” but the grownup inside me wants to grow up, take responsibility, and live the life I really want to live. Which includes making the things I really want to make. Come onnnn!!

In the spirit of this idea, I wanted to outline my making goals for 2015 so I had a plan; setting down my “have to” and “really should” projects in a concrete way so I know where I am headed. 

A small clarification: it's not that I believe I will get every single one of them done - nor that I will stick to the list in a precise way.There will be the projects that get created randomly and I will make other things along the way following the inspiration of the day. But I know that most of the things on the list, like birthday presents, clothes for the kids, and quilts, need to be done this year, and I know when they need to be done by. By writing them all out (rather than holding them all in my head) I have some clarity about what I need to get done, and how much time I have to get it done it.

I really think this simple list will lead to me making better decisions and help me to make sure that when I am at a loose-end I know what to start. I could-even-maybe-like prioritise stuff, y'know? Like I could get some of the winter knitting done in March/April if I don't get distracted by my whims. 

Now that I've written it, I'm a little floored that I’ve never done this before!! 

My Making List for 2015

I have put the projects in the month that they are due. Realistically that is a lot of knitting to be done by June. But it is so so good to have a plan. 

This month
Sewing - Shorts x 2 for the boy child for school.
Knitting - Colourwork for gauge swatch for hat.
Knitting – Top-down v-neck cardy for middle girl child.

February/March
Knitting – Keel for me.
Sewing – A frock for me - maybe get to Anna finally or Lisa?
Sewing – A going out kinda top for me.

April
Knitting - New colourwork cardy for a pattern?

May
Knitting - Birthday jumper for boy – non stash!
Knitting - Winter jumper for middle girl – Cabled aline.
Knitting - Shawl/cowl for me.

June
Knitting - Winter jumper for the fella – Hugo by Brooklyn Tweed.
Knitting – Birthday cardy for my niece (and a hat ;))
Sewing - Winter elephant solstice pillowcases.

July
Knitting - Worsted weight jumper for me.

August
Sewing – Dress for me.
Sewing – Top for me. 
Knitting - 40th birthday Slade for my little brother– non stash!

September
Knitting - Clara for my other niece. 

October
Sewing – Dress for me.
Sewing – Top for me.
Sewing - Birthday dress for small girl.
Sewing – Summer shorts x 2 big girl. 
Quilting - My small boy's single bed quilt.

November/December
Sewing - Birthday dress for big girl.
Sewing/knitting – Christmas outfits for three kids.
Quilting - King sized quilt for our bed.

The sweater I need to replicate.

One of the most exciting things that I have got from writing this list out is that I can clearly see that practically all of it comes from stash. There are only two exceptions at this stage. The first is my boy kid's birthday jumper. He wants me to create an exact replica of the sweater from the post Freestyle Knitting. He may have accidentally lost it a few months after I finished it. Lucky for him he is pretty sweet, and keeps going on about how it was the perfect jumper. The downside is that I did freestyle it and didn't write anything down, so will have to figure out my numbers all over again. It was made of gorgeous Madeline Tosh Worsted. Sadly the budget doesn't stretch to that this year, but a great substitute will be some lovely Peacock coloured Lark by Quince And Co (similar to the Tosh and his favourite colour). The second exception is the 40th birthday sweater for my brother, which I want to make in the yarn it was designed for. Those two things combined gobble nearly my whole budget for the rest of my Stash Less year. Good to know.

I’m going to put my list up on instagram tomorrow after I've printed it out tagged #mymakinglist2015 so I can find it again easily next year. Do you want to join me in setting some intention? Yours might not be so project specific, or it might be more sensibly sized (I suspect mine is a little overambitious ;)). Or yours may be learning new skills? You might be a low volume crafter who has plans to make one or two things….. I’d love to see what you are up to!

Tag yours on instagram with #mymakinglist2015, or leave a comment with a link if you are putting them up on your blog. 

Felicia x